I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
