Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
