i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
