I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
