The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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