Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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