The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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