Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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