Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
