they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
