Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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