The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
