I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
