I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
