So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize