even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wear drunk well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
