I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
