My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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