We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
