Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
