I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize