too bad you live with your parents still
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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