Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
