I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
