Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize