He uses pillows to masturbate.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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