Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
