mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
