she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How naked do you want me to be?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
