remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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