Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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