it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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