i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
