so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
