it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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