Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
