Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
