jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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