True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
