it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
