i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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