Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
