Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
