I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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