remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
