Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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