a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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