remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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