i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
