I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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