Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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