Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
