chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
