every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
