I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
