put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
