sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
