I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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