I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
