apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize