Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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