1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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