I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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