i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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