I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
