i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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