Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize