I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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