Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
