we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
