What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
