if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
